Off my Rocking Horse -New Program New Year- Cape Town, South Africa
- Mira Sky Gaia
- January 8, 2018
- 3:02 pm
- Life Adventures
It’s New Year’s Day and I am sitting in a little apartment on the 10th floor of 106 Adderley Street in downtown Cape Town. The journey to this point, away from my real-world, has been in the oven for quite some time, even years. A chance to dedicate my time only to one cause- writing, traveling, learning organically through conversations with locals. But, why do I feel so off-center?
First off, I can say that the premonitions I started having in December while sensing being distracted or even misaligned from my purpose while participating in a group called “Remote Year” started to ring true.
I suppose I overlooked that part of the initial conversations before I signed up where RY trumpeted “networking” as a major incentive. Instead I fixated on the imagery of Cape Town, the allure of being situated on the south edge of the continent of Africa was beyond appealing to my senses. My friend Roxanne had just visited and told me the land exuded “LOVE”.
I saw adds on Face Book for years of people working in these exotic locations, so independent, so free. I didn’t need much convincing. The timing was right. I was beyond ready to leave my job, and start living MY life!
I embarked on this journey to free myself of distractions, meet people as I joyfully have done for years solo traveling throughout the world at the place and time that suits my inner calling, and free myself to work finally owning my own time.
It turns out I was surrounded by mostly Americans that seemed to need each other’s company and an organization to guide them on this exotic journey. A part of me wanted also wanted guidance – which RY did deliver – in the African part of our journey and definitely structure, more specifically the work space provided. I thought that having a “work space” would keep me on a schedule instead of wandering around like I usually do while abroad. Having to integrate into a community of strangers was all too much, too fast for me.
On an important side note, Remote Year is a fantastic organization with wonderful people. I am sharing my internal feelings that really have nothing to do with RY, they have to do with me and my nature as a traveler and soul.
On New Year’s Eve, I needed to check in with myself to process my mixed emotions. I decided to skip out on a communal New Year’s Eve party just after I finished applying the last touch of makeup. I sat down on my catty-corner bench adjacent to the large window. Why did I feel so destabilized from my normal confident inspired fearless self? The answer came without much struggle. I felt as though I needed to “fit in” to survive these next 4 months. I should have already known that nothing works for me when I try to “fit in”. I learned that lesson by the 7th grade. It was the mission of RY to build this community emphasizing the use of slack and other social media to stay constantly connected to each other. I value connection, but this method felt unnatural to my adventurous unscripted nature.
Life works out when I dance to my own drum, then suddenly the right people abound. As I snuggled up to the corner of my white-walled studio, Mother Teresa stared back at me. I felt much more comfortable with her gracing my with company. My original assigned room didn’t feel as nurturing while it was just me and Salvador Dali. Our dorm style studios were named after different famous artists, writers, politicians, etc. I was also able to catch a strained glimpse of the parade below while standing up on the window edge, listening to the fireworks with my bottle of champagne. The first NYE I ever spent alone. It was ok. I was content, even happy momentarily allowing myself to just “be”. I eventually took to the streets alone observing all the festivities and then celebrating with the doormen to the building with a little silly dance.
Today- New Year’s Day I decided to start my way. I woke up feeling a bit refreshed and took a city bus tour providing spectacular views, rugged beauty, and delightful encounters. I learned more about the culture and identity of Cape Town through conversations in Camps Bay over Castle Light with my bartender from Zimbabwe and the impeccably dressed “coloured” man next to me.
The three of us chatted about economics, socioeconomics, state of overall affairs in South Africa. I found that immigrants from all over the continent journeyed to C-Town looking for work. It became more apparent that many of the people in the service industry were not from South African originally. The corruption, tyranny, the inhumanity in various other African countries- Zimbabwe comes to mind among others – has made moving to new lands the only option for survival in many cases. (The people here in South Africa are fascinating and it’s not just because of their accent! They are so well versed in their history, world history, the current state of affairs, learning more from talking to my uber drivers, personal trainers, bartenders that I could have possibly imagined!)
The beach that day was packed. I stared out in curiosity as it was a bit of a culture shock to me. I had never in my life seen a beach filled with African people. White people or let’s say some tanned people filled the beaches of my past anywhere I’ve been in the world. I walked up and down the promenade taking it all in. I was definitely in a new world! And this is exactly what I wanted to experience. All the black African families congregating, enjoying the sun, building sandcastles, laughing freely. This would have been a very different site not so long-ago during Apartheid.
I felt back to “me” again in this moment, living according to the internal guidance system built within- knowing that I’m never really “alone” and there are endless surprises along the way.
1/2/19
Hello motionless self? Perhaps the lethargy could also be due to barely sleeping a full 10 days prior to departure with all my sunrise chases in Sedona a week prior to Christmas, followed by remote mountain hiking and drinking a bit too merrily in Ruidoso, NM leading up to Christmas Eve, then catching an early morning flight out of El Paso heading to Dallas to visit more family on Christmas Day, finally arriving for late Christmas dinner back in Philadelphia with my momma that night. Whew or Phew!!! On top of all this, I had to move in just 2 days. On the 28th, I was off to Munich spending a half-day little town outside called Freising on my voyage to Africa -the continent I had not yet laid foot upon.
I haven’t even conjured doing a push-up, yoga, and the thought of hiking up Table Mountain seemed a herculean quest yesterday as I stared up at its steep impressive almost foreboding mass. As much as I dislike not hitting the ground running, I know I have to honor my body and give myself time to recuperate and adjust, soon enough my normal peppy self will be running all over the mounds and grounds of this very interesting city and simultaneous nature escape. At least I hoped!
Some areas enhance one’s energetic field and others scramble it. I’m still a bit scrambled. I’d rather be sunny side up!
1/4/19
Mario (a speaker affiliated with Remote Year) gave a nice presentation today at Rockwell about the power of positive thinking, not taking anything personally, taking back your power with a beautiful meditation similar to the ones I practice when I’m alone, another indication of how our minds and spirits are connected with the larger consciousness.
The part that always strikes me the most is how we can spread our energy field from out extended selves into the entire world, lighting it up and sending this loving energy to Gaia and fellow humanity just with the power of our focus and intent. I believe in its magic! We are one of the most powerful vehicles through which higher vibrations are transmitted into human consciousness and into the heart of Mother Earth.
After the meditation I felt better, but still thrown, not totally myself. My behavior was demonstrating this too.
I was taking naps in the middle of the day and missing “group” events which I learned was the universe keeping me away from the more vulnerable side that felt like a 3rd grader in a new school. I never thought this feeling could come back, wasn’t I long past this? What is wrong with me?
I pulled one of my “starseed” inspirational cards that I brought along for this journey. “Patience” appeared- letting it all fall into place at its own given time.
1/5/19
We were required to attend an orientation and submit a 30 sec slide capturing “who” we are having to share it with all.
I felt like a nervous child preparing to speak in public for the first time! I have been speaking confidently in front of small, medium, and large groups for years for over a decade now. What the heck is going on with me?
Preparing reluctantly and uncomfortably, thinking about how I might be judged and not ready to share my authentic self. How can one encapsulate oneself in 30 seconds anyway?
The dreaded moment arrived- my turn – which magically ensued directly after a fellow “Kuungana-er” who created a rap about his intrigue for Remote Year and this new journey, with all 70 or so people in the room applauding and laughing afterwards! We only had 30 seconds, with no pauses in between. The applaud and enjoyment of his presentation had just begun to permeate, seconds into my turn.
The law of attraction would have it so, given my unsteady vibrations about his whole experience! How would anyone even hear me, let alone “get” me with my deep mystical stuff after this very creative funny presentation?
No one would have known except for me, but blood was tingling in my face, my voice felt shaky, my nervous system was attacking my solar plexus.
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE
I came here with such vigor, confidence, desire to help expand and share the keys to life I had figured out, and now I felt vaporized obliged to operate and function within the confines of this organization.
I’ve had too many deep experiences detached from the need of security through groups, in fact this is how I found myself.
I knew the only answer was connecting with my guides, God, spirit…. But the only person I really wanted/yearned to talk to- was my mom. She has been my best friend and always been in my corner rooting me on. I felt my soul ache like a 5 year old away from their mom, I just needed her.
She told me to relax that it seems I had to heal what I thought was a forgotten past, change my perspective and raise my vibrations. Sometimes we need to be reminded to take our own medicine!!!
This experience unexpectedly propelled me to revisit the disconnect I felt with organized groups, namely Catholic school in childhood and the feelings of “being different” that emerged. I was really dumbfounded. I thought these were impossible to experience again. I had too much self-love, confidence, and security developed over decades.
“Now Now”, as they say in South Africa, which means it will come sooner or later, no promise of “when”. Was I in a state of “Now, Now?” Yes, it seems so.
January 6th – In the Heavens on top of Lion’s Head
The game changer arrived! Climbing to the peak of Lion’s Head brought me back into my peaceful world as I wrapped around this utterly divine landscape. My inner strength, courage emerged once again. I was back! No surprise Mother Earth had everything to do with it!
